Note from Bryan:  I pulled this off a website sometime in early 2001 but unfortunately I no longer can remember the site url.  Anyway, the person who wrote it really comes up with some gems.  Enjoy!

WORST COUNTRY SONG TITLES!

Naturally, you'll be wondering what an erudite gentleman such as I would be doing with such a list on his site. A few summers ago, I had the pleasure of shooting a documentary on rodeos. It was a wonderful experience, with one exception. PA announcers at rodeos have this terrible predisposition towards playing country music at high decibel levels, virtually non-stop.

In addition to driving my sound guys crazy, this led to the discovery that our entire crew had pretty much reached our maximum saturation point for country music.... after the first rodeo. By the end of the summer, I found myself actually singing along with a song about how "I'm married to a waitress and I don't even know her name."

With this in mind, I proudly present my list of country song titles. Now in new, improved, alphabetical order!

 

  1. All I Want From You (Is Away).
  2. All My Exes Live In Texas
  3. Am I Double Parked by the Curbstone of Your Heart?  (courtesy of Michael)
  4. At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self Service Pump (courtesy of Barry)
  5. Bubba Shot The Jukebox
  6. Cow Cow Boogie
  7. Did I Shave my Legs for This? by Deana Carter (courtesy of Scott)
  8. Don't Believe My Heart Can Stand Another You.
  9. Don't Squeeze My Sharmon.
  10. Don't Strike A Match (To The Book Of Love)
  11. Drop Kick Me Jesus Through The Goal Posts Of Life.
  12. Get Your Biscuits In The Oven, And Your Buns In The Bed.
  13. Go Back To Texas and Cheesey French Fry Lake (thanks, Laura!)
  14. Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart.
  15. Her Only Bad Habit Is Me
  16. Hold On To Your Men..Cause she's Single Again (courtesy of Susan)
  17. How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away? (courtesy of Charles)
  18. How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You, When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?
  19. How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me?
  20. I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life (courtesy of Charles)
  21. I Don't Do Floors
  22. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling.
  23. I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me (courtesy of Charles)
  24. I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart  (courtesy of Charles)
  25. I Gave Her My Heart And A Diamond And She Clubbed Me With A Spade (courtesy of Bruce)
  26. I Gave Her the Ring, and She Gave Me the Finger (courtesy of Maureen)
  27. I Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Bed Crying On My Pillow Over You.
  28. I Got Through Everything But The Door
  29. I Guess I Had Your Leavin' Coming
  30. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You  (courtesy of Charles)
  31. I May Be Used, But Baby I Ain't Used Up.
  32. I Sat Down On A Beartrap (Just This Morning)
  33. I Still Miss You Baby...  But My Aim is Getting Better (courtesy of Eric)
  34. I Wanted You To Leave Until You Left Me.
  35. I Wanna Whip Your Cow  (courtesy of Charles)
  36. I Wish I Were A Woman (So I Could Go Out With A Guy Like Me)  (courtesy of Mick)
  37. I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck! (courtesy of Charles)
  38. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win  (courtesy of Charles)
  39. If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You.
  40. If I Ain't Got It, You Don't Need It.
  41. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You  (courtesy of Charles)
  42. If I Were In Your Shoes, I'd Walk Right Back To Me (courtesy of Mick)
  43. If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low (courtesy of Charles)
  44. If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You  (courtesy of Charles)
  45. If She Hadn't Been So Good Lookin' I Might Have Seen the Train  (courtesy of Phil)
  46. If The Jukebox Took Teardrops
  47. If You Can't Bite, Don't Growl.
  48. If You Don't Leave Me, I'll Find Someone Who Will (courtesy of Barry)
  49. If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too? (courtesy of Charles)
  50. If You Really Loved Me, You'd Leave (courtesy of Phil)
  51. If Whiskey Were A Woman, I'd Be Married For Sure.
  52. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.
  53. I'll Tennessee You In My Dreams
  54. I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home.
  55. I'm Here To Get My Baby Out Of Jail
  56. I'm Quittin' Wild Turkey Cold Turkey (courtesy of Mandy)
  57. I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised.
  58. It Only Takes One Bar (To Make A Prison)
  59. I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart.
  60. I've Been Roped And Throwed By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral.
  61. I've Got $5 And It's Saturday Night
  62. Jim, I Wore A Tie Today
  63. Lay Something On My Bed Besides A Blanket
  64. Make Me Late For Work Today.
  65. Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head) (courtesy of Charles)
  66. Mommy, Can I Still Call Him Daddy?
  67. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus.
  68. My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart  (courtesy of Charles)
  69. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him (courtesy of Charles)
  70. Nashville Rash
  71. Occasional Wife
  72. Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You (courtesy of Charles)
  73. Overlonely and Underkissed
  74. Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill (courtesy of Charles)
  75. Phantom Of The Opry
  76. Pick Me Up On Your Way Down
  77. Poultry Promenade
  78. Queen Of My Double-Wide Trailer
  79. Redneck Martians Stole My Baby
  80. Refried Dreams
  81. She Feels Like A New Man Tonight.
  82. She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft (courtesy of Charles)
  83. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger (courtesy of Charles)
  84. She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart (courtesy of Charles)
  85. She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy
  86. She Walked Across My Heart Like It Was Texas (courtesy of James)
  87. She's Actin' Single..... I'm Drinkin' Doubles.
  88. She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty (courtesy of Charles)
  89. She's Got the Rhythm (And I Got the Blues)
  90. Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone
  91. Thanks To The Cathouse, I'm In The Doghouse With You.
  92. The Man That Came Between Us (Was Me)
  93. The Pint Of No Return.
  94. There Ain't Enough Room in my Fruit Of The Looms to Hold All My Lovin' For You (courtesy of Atley)
  95. There's A Tear In My Beer
  96. They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out (courtesy of Charles)
  97. Tight Fittin' Jeans
  98. Trainwreck Of Emotion
  99. Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart (courtesy of Charles)
  100. Waitin' In Your Welfare Line
  101. Walk Out Backwards Slowly So I'll Think You're Walking In.
  102. Who's Gonna Mow Your Grass?
  103. Who's Gonna Take The Garbage Out When I'm Dead And Gone?
  104. Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under?
  105. Why Did You Leave the One You Left Me For?  (courtesy of the Johnson family)
  106. Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw (courtesy of Karen and James)
  107. Would Jesus Wear A Rolex On His Television Show?
  108. Yard Sale
  109. You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too.
  110. You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
  111. You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat (courtesy of Charles)
  112. You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Banister Of Life (courtesy of Charles)
  113. Your Negligee Has Turned To Flannel Nightgowns.
  114. Your Tattoo
  115. You're a Hard Dog To Keep Under The Porch (courtesy of Susan)
  116. You're Going To Ruin My Bad Reputation.
  117. You're Out Of Step (With The Beat Of My Heart)
  118. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly (courtesy of Charles)
  119. 80 Proof Bottle of Tear Stopper

 

And my personal, all-time fave: