At lunch time,
sit in your parked car with sunglasses on
and point a hair dryer at passing cars.
See if they slow down.

Page yourself over the intercom.
Don't disguise your voice.

Every time someone asks you to do something,
ask if they want fries with that.

Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks.
Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addiction,
switch to espresso.

In the memo field of all your checks, write
"for sexual favors."

Finish all your sentences with the phrase
"in accordance with the prophecy."

When the money comes out of the ATM, scream,
"I won! I won! That's the 3rd time this week!!!!!"

When leaving the zoo,
start running towards your car and yell,
"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, THEY'RE LOOSE!!"

Gather your children around the dinner table.
Explain that due to the recent ecomonic downturn,
you're going to have to let one of them go.